Closing Time and the Bad Agent

Today was supposed to be a good day the day I close on my first property. I was planning to get the keys and let my contractor do the voodoo that you do so well, only to find that Murphy's Law has been kicking my butt this week. Initially we wanted the closing to be March 27, but had to move it to March 31 to get our Survey completed. Did that happen? Not so much. I did not get the Survey till April 1 -- and what I fool I was! The HUD 1 came in. I had completely forgotten about the pre-paid interest that accrues as well as not knowing that my insurance would be invoiced for a full year. So closing costs were a full $1,000 over the previously estimated cost. Murder Death Kill!!

More thoughts of Murder
After I got over the Obamacare sticker shock Thursday, I was ready to head to closing on Friday .... that is, until I get an urgent call from my realtor at 5:24 pm last night .... “Finally got hold of the listing agent (aka Agent Douchenozzle) he said....”Yeah I don't think we are showing up tomorrow".

My head turned around like in the Exorcist!!

Let me clarify: This is not my Realtor’s fault. The issue is the property is part of an estate and they needed 4 signatures signed and 2 lived out of the city.
NOT MY PROBLEM!
These numbskulls have had weeks to secure the signatures and for Agent Douchenozzle get a freakin’ mobile notary and handle it!

Ms. Lowball Rears her Giant Head

At this point, I make a call to Ms. Lowball who was introduced in the last blog to tell her what is going on, and Ms. Lowball is less than happy. She makes a few calls, sends some nastygrams and starts plotting whatever goes on in that huge cranium of hers. Fast forward several hours and Agent Douchenozzle sends back an email stating they will not make it due to people living outside of the area. Ms. Lowball quietly moves from the couch, collects her phone and dials up Agent Douchenozzle. Verbal Armageddon begins. I overhear ... “I am NOT being a Bi*tch, I am just telling you that you will be out of contract and I WILL bring every legal ramification I can, and basically kick your dumbass!!......” Ending the conversation, Agent Douchenozzle assured the giant headed princess of lowball that he will take care of it and they will close and fund tomorrow.

It's Closing Time!
Yea it is the morning of the closing Yea! I get to the title company and my realtor tells me… “Ummm.. they can only get 3 of the 4 signatures.” I about put my shirt over my head and started doing the Cornholio!! 

The Title Company agent says let me call him and see what we can do...
She says, “Well he said they will pay for a mobile Notary to go to college station and get one signature, but wanted me (Title agent) to drive to the property and get the other 3 signatures at 6 pm??”

There really were no words at this point.... crickets... Last I heard they were going to go to the title company at 6 pm sign, but that means no funding will be done today. Basically, making me wait three more days before I can start rehabilitating the property.

The Bright Side
The bright side is that YES my mentor was right. If I follow his steps and listen to him, the process works! I will soon own a 90k property with 10k of renovations for about $4,800 dollars out of pocket. I do have to thank Ms. Lowball, my mentor, my real estate agent, my general contractor, the King of Norway and yes World Peace!

The names have been changed to protect the innocent and STUPID!

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About Unknown

Ms. Lowball is the editor in cheif for the smartass. This website is run and administered by her company, Valkeryie Consulting.